Jesus' Love Almost Killed Me

I haven't been able to write for several days because I've been without a connection to the world-wide web.

The GO conference at Spanish River Church in Boca Raton, FL has been wonderful. I've met so many amazing men and women who are serving Christ in countries around the globe. These are pastors who are indigenous to Haiti, Chili, Brazil, Mexico, Canada, and Chad. To hear of their work and God's faithfulness has been very encouraging.

Yesterday after worship we had several hours of free time. Eric and I headed over to Deerfield Beach. The water was warm and clear. I jumped right in and began to wade out into waters deep enough for me to swim.

As the waves crashed into me and the water swooshed around me I was reminded of a great old hymn where the songwriter explains the deep deep love of God by using the ocean as his metaphor. He says, "O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast unmeasured boundless free; rolling like a mighty ocean, in its fullness over me; underneath me, all around me..." For several minutes I contemplated the wonderful vastness of the waters as I reflected on God's love in Christ Jesus.

After a few minutes of being buoyed up and down by the waves, though, I noticed that I was drifting away from the beach. I soon realized that I was caught in a mild rip tide. I thought to myself, "I don't need to panic. I just need to swim parallel to the coast until I get out of this thing." Even though I knew that, I still panicked and tried desperately to make it back to the beach. I felt all alone. Suddenly all of the surfers who had been right in the area weren't around. My body tired very quickly. I began to float and tried swimming in again. This time I started to make some headway as I had drifted along the coast some 45 feet or so. Soon I was standing on solid ground again. I was so relieved. For two minutes or so I was convinced that I might have been about to die. That was not a good feeling. It was strange how quickly I went from, "O the deep, deep love of Jesus," to, "This water is going to kill me."

Last night I was awakened by a piercing pain in my chest and shoulder. It felt as though I was having a heart attack onset. I quickly turned on my computer and typed in, "heart attack symptoms." There I found some symptoms that match what I was feeling. At the end of the list I read this symptom: sense of impending doom. Well if I wasn't feeling it to that point I certainly was after reading that line.

At 2:00 a.m. I didn't exactly want to wake up our host family and let them know that I was dying, for the second time that day, no less. So I decided to wake up Eric and ask him about my symptoms. Thankfully he described an injury to the shoulder that he has had three times that I likely incurred when I was trying so deperately to swim to safety. That put my mind to ease and I was able to turn over and sleep once again.

I was glad to wake up this morning. I'll be back with Angie and the children tomorrow and can't wait for that reunion.