It's late Tuesday night and I can not get my mind to turn off long enough to trick the rest of my body into being still for 6 hours or so.
It is dangerous to write late in the evening, nearly early morning, because sometimes the weariness gives more press to the emotions one is feeling and one fails to measure out the right words. Sometimes raw meat is good, though, I guess.
I've been tired lately, running from one appointment, to a task, to another task, to another...you get the point. In the early days of planting a church so much falls to the church planter. That's no surprise, I didn't accept God's call with blinders on. I'm just feeling human in terms of my capacities. There is so much more I wish was already happening in the young life of this community of Jesus followers (though a few minutes of reflection reminds me of different expectations that have already been surpassed).
Last Sunday was weird. It was the first Sunday when I left worship wondering what other people were thinking. Are our people fatigued? Are they disappointed in some way? Do we all know what our direction is? Are people growing in the joy of the gospel? Was I just tired?
Whatever it was it has caused me to be face down before the Lord this week, along with my partner, Eric Phillips, and asking God to bring us back to center. What have we been called here to do? What is the vision that God has given me for this work of his? How have we lost some steam, so to speak, because other concerns have taken us off task? Where do we simply need to rely all the more on God to do some things.
The picture isn't grim at all, it was just out of focus last week.
So many exciting and encouraging things continue to happen in this ministry, but we long to see God glorified in more lives and in more situations.
I know that some readers of this blog care much about what we are doing here. If that is you, will you pray in a couple of ways this next month?
1. Will you pray for me as a leader?
2. Will you pray that God might emblazon his vision for this work on the hearts of those already involved so that they will more and more eagerly play their part in God's unfolding act of transforming this city?
3. Will you pray for God to bring 10 people to himself through this ministry in March?
4. Will you pray that we can see difficulties as opportunities to trust God all the more?
More and more I feel like the Apostle Paul must have felt when he wrote to the church at Corinth saying, "For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity it is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel."